Timothy - Dog Year

Snapshot, Not Snapped Shut

So it ends, 2006.

Technically, this dog year won't end until Chinese New Year, February 18, 2007, but since I began this blog on January 1, it's only fitting that I end it tonight, December 31.

It's been quite a year, not really what I anticipated.  There were the good times and surprises - the big family reunion and Toronto trip in April, the new house sidings that completely changed the look of my house, summertime BBQs with friends and family in the back yard, and completion of two major Web projects at work.

On the flip side, 2006 has also been full of disappointments and failures.  Turned down by someone for the second and final time.  Separation from the Chinese fellowship and church I've grown up with.  A large sum of money owed me and still unrecovered from a crooked siding company.  Loss of interesting Web-related projects at work.  Failure to do 90% of the resolutions I set out at the beginning of the year, such as taking time to learn all these cool graphics software and complete some oil paintings..

And then, there's this blog.  Was it a success or a failure?  Does the answer matter?  I don't believe many have been consistently reading it, though there are probably more than I think.  Through this blog, I was able to pour out some pent-up creative juices, express in poems my pains and hurts from certain people I've held dear, and keep a photo repository of items and events that have been a part of my life through the 12 months.  Through this blog, I've probably surprised more than a few of my friends with my strong opinions on certain people and news.  Some of these friends are probably no more, having been fed up with my verbosity and vast range of moods through the many postings.  To these people, who are full of personal secrets themselves, I've nothing to say - I'm complicated and human, I suppose, and if you don't wish to spend some time and effort putting together the pieces of the puzzle on this blog, don't go around telling people how you "don't really know who the real Tim is."  To those who managed to stay interested and are still reading my entries, I thank you deeply, even if you've never left a single comment.

New challenges and major changes await in 2007.  A few of these are already confirmed.  I will start a new blog (Web address to be listed above this article once created), with a new look and structure.  I won't be blogging as much this coming year, but perhaps more interesting developments in my life will make up for the fewer postings.

I hear fireworks outside announcing the new year.  No euthanasia for this dog - he will go to sleep tonight on his own.  I took my licks in '06, now I'll look to heaven in '07.   I will keep you in my prayers.  Please keep me in yours.  Farewell, friends.

Criteria

Both Christians and non-Christians in the dating scene today base their selection criteria 90% on so-called chemistry and type and 10% on Christlike convictions and character, but non-Christians are at least honest enough to admit that they operate out of personal desires and preferences, not God's.

Defibrillator

This is actually a news item in 2006 - people are found to lie more these days through the use of cell phones, text messaging, and emails.  Even the survey finding that "most told lies with the best intentions and to spare others' feelings" is clearly a lie for most people - people lie to protect themselves and avoid further complications, not to be nice.  Let's blame it all on those evil technology and gadgets again.

Not quite.  People have been lying (and scapegoating) since the Garden of Eden.  Today's tech just helps us do it faster and easier.  Same with the many other negatives often associated with technology.  People atrophying their bodies away online wouldn't necessarily be found working out at the gym had the Internet never been invented.  People who have a habit (often anonymously) of flaming others probably aren't the best-tempered or self-controlled people anyway.  And let's not even get into what kinds of things cyber stalkers might do without computers.

What the latest communication technologies have created, though, is an artificial sense of security with behavior such as lying.  It's easier now than ever before to reach someone anytime and anywhere, but ironically it's also easier now than ever to hide behind physical distance and busyness as excuses.  Sometimes these excuses go by pious-sounding terms like boundaries or right to privacy, when the real terms are cowardice and selfishness.  For many people, their minimal exposure to the joys and pains of being around living flesh and blood (and fresh outdoor air) have just about made them permanently out of sync with the real world.

What this world needs is a device to forcefully prevent people from lying, a deFIBrillator of sorts that will reconnect everyone lost in make-believe onlineland and resync human relationships based on trust and honesty.  Technically, it's not unthinkable, but practically, it'll never happen.  Even God chose to pass on this idea, opting instead for free will.  God knew beforehand that it's after all not any human gadget, but Himself only, that can free people from their basic sinful nature.  That's the truth that perhaps we all need to echo more when using our new means of communication.

In the Beginning, there were Four Bachelors

Flipping through Genesis, the first book in the Bible, I noticed that, despite numerous records on marriages, there are really only four detailed accounts of how a couple came together (excluding the Judah/Tamar account in Genesis 38, which is more a story of lust and selfishness than love).

Genesis 2:20-25
First was, of course, Adam.  This pre-Fall account is every guy's dream of paradise - he only had to take a deep nap to wake up to the most perfect woman for him.  No guy since can say with as much certainty as he that a certain woman is the one for him (she was made from his rib, and there was no one else!)

Genesis 24:1-67
Isaac had to wait a little longer for his bride than Adam, but it was almost just as easy.  Here daddy Abraham did all the work of dispatching a servant to find a woman back in the family homeland, and God arranged a smooth meeting between that servant and the bride-to-be Rebekah.  Isaac saw her for the first time simply by looking up while meditating in a field, after she had already agreed to marry him and was making her way to him.

Genesis 29:14-30
Jacob gets tricked by his father-in-law-to-be Laban into working seven years for Leah, whom he didn't love, and an extra seven years for Rachel, whom he did.  14 years of waiting and hard labor for a girl - doesn't matter what your gender is, you gotta give it up for persistent Jacob...

Genesis 34:1-31
In one of the lesser-known and saddest Bible stories, Shechem raped Dinah, the girl he loved.  When he still sought to marry her, her indignant brothers tricked him and, amazingly, all his fellow male citizens in the city into getting circumcised (major ouchee for adults).  In the end, the brothers killed off Shechem and all other men.  Shechem and his unrestrained passion and devotion ended only in the death of himself and all his friends and relatives.

All four stories took place in the first age of human history, all under the same God.  Which of these four men do I resemble most?  To varying degrees, each of them.  I would tell you more if I knew.  Perhaps next year God, that perfectly creative Author, will bring me greater understanding of where my own story is heading.  I suspect its greatest similarity to those of the four Genesis bachelors will be its uniqueness.

Memorable Melodies

Songs can define a generation.  On a smaller scale, they help define a year.  As the year winds down, below are my top ten songs that peaked in 2006.  Select the song title to see the music video.

1. "We are One Tonight" - Switchfoot
   Great video and message on the need for unity and forbearance in a world that often doesn't make sense.
2. "Breathe (2 AM)" - Anna Nalick
   Great song for the lonely, frustrated, and vulnerable among us.
3. "Unwritten" - Natasha Bedingfield
   Presenting a positive approach to how we view our personal future - with determination and excitement for what we don't yet know or see clearly.
4. "Walk Away" - Kelly Clarkson
   A simple request - if you're unwilling to commit to a relationship, just go away.
5. "Photograph" - Nickelback
   Ah, the power of photos to simultaneously evoke the past's sweetness and bitterness.
6. "Bad Day" - Daniel Powter
   We've all had them.  And for me, there seemed to have been more than usual in 2006.
7. "White and Nerdy" - Weird Al Yankovic
   One of most hilarious lyrics to any song, ever.
8. "Ain't No Other Man" - Christina Aguilera
   Nice dance tune and vocals.
9. "Dani California" - Red Hot Chili Peppers
   Despite the typical outrageous band video, this song revolves around the harsh and sad life of a poor girl.  And this tune may remind you of a certain TV show (based on Orange County...).
10. "You're Beautiful" - James Blunt
    Another angst-filled song about unrequited love.

Christmas

The meaning of Christmas is simple: while the road to hell is paved with good intentions, the road to heaven is paved with Christ's blood and tears.

Wounded Duck

I had a disturbing dream last night, the kind that I know will stay with me for a long time.  I dreamed that I was going to work in a big city, walking through crowded streets in the early morning.  The sky was overcast, and everyone around me looked liked me, expressionless and stressed.  Suddenly, I came across a small crowd gathered around something.  I stuck my head in between two people.  Inside the circle of people, on the hard sidewalk concrete, lay a struggling male Mallard duck ( I could tell by its beautiful, iridescent green neck feathers).  It was plain to see a long gash on his side, like someone had taken a butcher knife and cut him across a half-inch deep.  One of its wings also appeared damaged, and it could not fly.  The crowd, mostly women, kept changing faces as newly-arrived curious passersby continually replaced people who lost interest in the scene.  People asked each other what happened.  Some offered guesses.  Some made sympathetic sighs for the duck.  What everyone (including me) had in common was - nobody did anything.  After a few minutes I too left and headed to my office, where I could hear coworkers still casually talking about the duck.

Although I'm no Freudian enthusiast when it comes to dream interpretations, I've not been able to stop thinking about the dream.  What did it mean?  Why did I dream it?  What significance might it hold? 

Without any answer to these questions, I suddenly remembered a real-life incident back in the mid-90s, during my first real IT job after graduation.  Similarities to last night's dream abound, the overcast sky, my going to work.  In this case, I was driving, not walking.  The crowds were formed by cars on a 2-lane local road, not pedestrians.  About 10 minutes from work, I saw two birds playfully doing an aerial ballet.  Perhaps they were mates, relatives, or buddies - who knew.  Then something tragic happened - one of the two birds flew too low and got hit by a car.  The traffic continued moving at its usual pace both ways, but the drama was really not over.  On the ground, the dying bird was still struggling to get back up, one of its wings moving violently.  Directly above, its partner helplessly dipped up and down, wanting to be next to its wounded companion but having to avoid the endless procession of cars.  Again, where was the help?

A good friend at church, whom I should perhaps start calling Daniel instead of his actual name for his wisdom in dream interpretation, offered the following in the way of an explanation for my dream:  I'm the duck, and the crowds represent all the people I know because I don't sense anyone helping me with my personal struggles and pains.  Hmm.  Could be.  Then again, it could be just a modified version of what I saw on the way to work a decade ago.  Maybe both.  Maybe neither.

One final possibility: it was an "anti-Christmas story."  Had Christ not come to earth on the first Christmas eve, we would all be like the wounded duck, left to fend for ourselves against a hard, cold world.  But because of Christ, believers know that we indeed are not alone.  God is real.  God is living.  Most of all, through the sending of Himself in lowly human form, we know God cares.  So to all of you who may be suffering even greater loneliness and rejection than I do this Christmas, I wish you joy and the growing awareness that we are not abandoned.  Repeat: no matter the circumstance or failure, we are not abandoned.

Child

There is a fine line between being childlike and being childish, and mistaking one for the other in another can be a grave mistake among adults.

Superheroes

Superheroes in movies and cartoons are not so much escapes from our frailties on earth, but reminders of our powers in heaven.

Passion

Never make a passionate person mad, because if you didn't know what he would do before...