It's a dark room without door or window. Quiet. I feel quite at peace.
Suddenly, a TV comes on in front of me. A Korean drama named Winter Sonata (冬季戀歌) is showing. I see a man named Sang-Hyuk (祥赫). He's giving a girl, Yu-Jin (侑珍), whom he loved since grade school, a plane ticket to New York City so she can reunite with the man she loves.
A bright flash, and a TV to my left comes alive. Another Korean drama, this one named Only You (威尼斯戀人). Here, Hyun-Sung (玄成) is having a hard time reconciling the reality of his grade-school love, Eun-Jae (恩在), having loved and slept with another man, who turns out to be the father of her six year-old son.
To my right, a third TV comes on, showing All About Eve (愛上女主播). It's Woo-Jin (佑振), and his eyes are sad, as the girl he loves left him to pursue the company's new CEO. His grief, though, does not stop him from pushing her away from an oncoming vehicle, and consequently losing his own life.
These men have in common their secondary roles. They're ok-looking but not the most handsome or trendy in their hairstyles or clothes. They are talented and smart but are mere skilled workers, not CEOs or project managers like the leading men. They have good, devoted hearts but the women they love, their friends, and the audience don't care. In the end, these men do not get the girl because, according to the prescribed formulaic scripts, the girl's fate (緣份) lies with the more charismatic, trendy male protagonist. In the end, they are expected to just say good-bye to the girl, without fuss, sometimes with their own life.
All three TVs are simultaneously blaring, and their flickering lights mingling. I'm overcome by the dissonance and visual chaos. The tragic characters make my stomach sick. I try to turn the TVs off but cannot locate their remotes, power switches or cords. More TVs come on around me, with similar stories and characters, and I cannot figure out how to turn them off either. I close my eyes and cover my ears in my hands, which does little to mitigate the mass insanity.
I then realize - no, I cannot turn them off, just as I cannot leave the room. They are after all not TV screens but mirrors, each reflecting an aspect of myself in these past few years. Woo-Jin, Sang-Hyuk, Hyun-sung - they may be fictional, but they are also real, because combining them, they all live in me. I cannot escape them because I cannot escape myself.
More TVs. More noise. More drama. On goes my life, a private viewing in a dark theater.
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